Cosmetic names – We look at the shocking, the weird & the wo

Article by BR Natalie

Is there anything better than when two of your favourite things collide?  At BRHQ there's nothing we love more than when beauty products embrace our favourite form of wit - the pun.  Yes you might be surprised to know that the usually sophisticated, mature and modern Beauty Crew love nothing more than a good old fashioned pun. And the sillier the better.

OPI have just released the Nordic Collection and as usual, they don't disappoint.  From Viking in a Vinter Vonderland to My Voice is a Little Norse, the shade names are sharp as a tack.

Now as they often do in the office, our conversation ran away with itself and before I knew it I was tasked with researching brands in search of names - the weird, the wonderful and the shocking.  And of course, we've found something for every sense of humour, as well as some particularly poor choices and some that well, I'd have to wash my mouth out with a bar of soap if I dropped them  into conversation.

Chicken Poop Lip Junk

Grandpa says: If ya got dry lips put chicken poop on 'em so ya won't lick 'em.

Thankfully containing no poop, Chicken Poop Lip Junk is a tube lip balm containing a mix of Avocado Oil, jojoba, sweet orange, lavender essential oil, bees wax and vitamin E. 

Simone Chickenbone Natural Put-Ons have even released a range for those gals who like their poop with a little shimmer, La Chick Poo Poo; a mineral tinted version of the original.
 

Sexy Motherpucker

Lip size found crucial for sexual attraction.

 Soap and Glory are one of my personal favourite brands.  Not only are their products amazing, they offer a thoroughly enjoyable experience.  From their cracking vintage photos to the punny descriptions they're guaranteed to raise a smile. 

But its the product names that really tickle my funny bone.  Sexy Mother Pucker is my favourite lipgloss, but other winning product names include; I-foam, a shower gel, The Beatles's inspired range The Fab Pore, Pulp Friction a fruity body scrub and the on-the-cusp-of-being-very-rude highlighter lotion named The Glow Job.

You Can't Zit Here

Merging science with energy and love!

Simply Botanicals is a deceptively plain brand moniker considering they host a range of products with fantastically clever names - not all as naughty as their blemish banishing foamy wash You Can't Zit Here! 

Our top picks include Pack your Bags, an eye gel, Outer Body Experience, an all over body wash and Keep Abreast Of It, a breast cream to encourage lymphatic drainage and circulation.

Brazen Hussy

Quality with a giggle.

Cheeky Monkey specialise in making 'nice' formaldehyde free nail polish with darn right naughty shade names. 

Think OPI.  X-rated. 

As well as the aforementioned Brazen Hussy, some of the more tame shade names include; Tramp Stamp, Full Brazilian, Camel Toe and Thigh Highs.  As for the really naughty ones?  We'll leave that to you to discover with a 'contains explicit material' warning!  

Cow Fart Juice

Hold your nose and apply gently to the affected area.

This Between You & The Moon product has to have one of the silliest names we've ever seen! 

Cow Fart Juice is a 'highly intoxicating blend of healing herbs that have natural anti-bacterial, anti-microbial, anti-viral, & anti-fungal properties.' 

We might be tempted to stick to Tea Tree Oil and save having to answer people asking what we smell like!

Tail Swat Body Spray

For those times you wish you had a tail

From our friends across the ditch, Moo Goo have 'helped herds of people with their skin conditions. 

They claim their scented body spray Tail Swat will make you less attractive to mossies. 

And with no citronella, deet or harsh chemicals they really are embracing the most natural fly swatter in nature - the moo cow's tail.

Here's a few other gems we found down the rabbit hole:

• Colarado Pitstik - a deodorant 'changing the way you stik your pit'
• Kaia House You're Not Dead Yet - a Dead Sea mud mask
• Silk Naturals Birthday Suit - a nude lippie.  In fact Silk Naturals seem to have monopolised the clever nude shade names, with other nude lip colours being called; Negligee, Centrefold and Skinny Dip.
• Nars Orgasm - the must-have blush.  Other products include Multiple and Deep Throat. 
• Urban Decay Mildew - a richly pigmented medium toned green, with a mouldy name. 
  
• Spoiled Sixty-Shine Me - a beautiful glitter polish spoiled by a rude name!
• Anatomicals Snog Me Senseless - this lip balm speaks for itself, as do the matching breath mints!
• Wet n Wild Threesome - a highlighter, contourer and blush.
• MAC Underage - a tinted lip gloss that missed the mark with this name.
• Gorilla Snot - hair gel that will never touch a lock of myhair!
• The Balm Schitzo - this shade can be found in the Naughty Palette.  Probably not the most tasteful name choice.
  
• Kat Von D Celebutard - yeah, still not convinced that disparaging references to mental illness are a selling point.
• Anti-Monkey Butt - a deodorising powder for your derriere. 

It's quite hard wrapping this article up!  But I'm going to stop here and hand it over to you, our lovely members.  Tell us - what's in a name?  Are you none-too-fussed about the names of products and shades, or are they a factor in your purchasing decision?  Do out-there or low-rent name choices influence how you see a brand, or do you stick to the old adage, and never judge a book by it's cover?

Get chatting below!