Makeup Names: The Eye Raising

By BR Amelia

You know who I reckon has a pretty awesome job? The people that get to come up with names for beauty products. There are times where I’m perusing the in real life or virtual beauty aisles and I’ll see the name of a product, say an OPI nail polish, and have a right giggle. Honestly, the names the OPI brander* comes up with – Glitzerland, Kiss Me On My Tulips, Red My Fortune Cookie - how much fun did they have working those names up? Anyway, every now and then a name pops out and, well, my eyes and my eyebrows hit the ceiling. So which eyeshadow products have reached those glorious heights?

The Balm’s Meet Matt(e) Palette – now this is just plain out quirky. A palette featuring products all named Matt-something, as in Matt Smith, Matt Chung, Matt McDonald…you get the picture. The packaging is cool, the shades wonderful, but I just don’t know if I can put a man on my lids…

Urban Decay’s Asphyxia – a truly lovely purplish lilacish shade. Yet, naming a product after a condition, which can lead to asphyxiation? I’d be too scared to try it just in case it magically lived up to its name!

Another shade of purple from Urban Decay that has me a bit worried is S&M. Much like the connotations of purple in relation to asphyxiation, the connotations of purple in relation to S&M are… well… um, it makes this prissy pants pansy go nooooo. (Great if you’re into that and all but it’s not my cup of tea. Oh, and PLEASE don’t look it up if you don’t know what it means and are of a gentler sensibility.)

Now l just have to say that MAC Naked Lunch needs to be mine. It’s the prettiest shade of pink champagne and oh how I’m sure it would turn my eyes into supermodels, however the name… well… I don’t know how it relates to eyes (and that makes me wonder, does it really need to? But I tend to think yes…). Maybe if it were just called ‘Naked’… but then they already have one of those. Ok, I’m starting to think it’s quite a good thing not being a namer of makeup, after a while you’d have to do some serious stretching for new names.

There are also a couple of names that I’m plain not sure about – do they refer to what they I think they refer to or not? Is it them? Or is it me?

MAC Smut. This is a dirtyish brown/black/charcoal colour (yeah, I’m unlikely to ever be hired as a colour describer….) and part of me thinks, yep, it’s related to soot, as in the stuff that you get in chimneys. Then part of me wondered… what if it’s related to sexy things that your Nanna would deem ‘smutty’? Is it a play on words? Or is it just chimney dirt? 

NARS Stud. The website describes this as a soft pewter bronze, so I’ve decided that it’s named after studs you might use it building, or perhaps studs you might put in your ears after getting them pierced. However, when you think about the other names NARS has chosen for certain other products you do find yourself wondering…

So tell me, have you come across any eyeshadow names that have left you a bit flummoxed or just plain out disturbed? Would you like a job as a makeup *brander or would you prefer to leave the name-making-uppering to the professionals?

*By the way, I’ve no idea if ‘brander’ is the correct term but I like it and I’m going with it.