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NBR Bullies
12 posts, 9 members
How do you deal with bullies in your workplace? I'm used to the usual bullies but today a new and particuarly nasty one popped up unexpectedly. It ruined my day completely. I sometimes wonder if they're prompted by other people and gossip.I didn't stand for it but I'm still angry and I don't feel like this is the last of it. What do other people do when bullied at work? or other places for that matter?
I'm sorry to hear that Maree. Hugs xx I hate bullies and there is one at my work. What do I do? I simply ignore her, I have no time for people like that. She gossips and acts like a child and at the end of the day she's the one that looks like a fool. Hopefully you don't have to deal with it anymore :-)
Current works not too bad but I copped it in my last job and my best advice is...
- always remember that it’s about them not you. Trivialise it, find ways to laugh. The less it’s getting to you the better because either they’ll stop or they’ll escalate, and if they escalate it’ll build a case against them
- talk to others who you trust. Every SINGLE time I’ve struck a work issue with anyone it hasn’t just been me. Once you know others feel the same or see the bullying you feel less alone and more able to speak up
- look into what workplace support is available - counsellors, mediators, HR etc. There will often be someone impartial you can talk with
- document everything!
- always remember that it’s about them not you. Trivialise it, find ways to laugh. The less it’s getting to you the better because either they’ll stop or they’ll escalate, and if they escalate it’ll build a case against them
- talk to others who you trust. Every SINGLE time I’ve struck a work issue with anyone it hasn’t just been me. Once you know others feel the same or see the bullying you feel less alone and more able to speak up
- look into what workplace support is available - counsellors, mediators, HR etc. There will often be someone impartial you can talk with
- document everything!
Thanks ladies. It's endemic in our organisation unfortunately. It wasn't a colleague in my office, but in another office. I've passed it up to the practice leader but it's really annoying. I don't know what she hopes to gain from it. That's a good point Trudi - she's moved to a local office from the North Island and I wonder if it's because she upset people there. Often our staff transfers are people who got pressured out of other offices because they didn't get along with the other staff. Time will tell I guess, but the office she moved to is highly dysfunctional so it'll take a while for anyway to notice it I'd say. It's still bugging me today, but having said that, I don't bother people until they bother me, and once they do I don't let it go. It's such a waste of energy though !!!
I agree with Trudi, document everything! Keep it to the facts and leave any emotion out of it but put it to paper and date it because you never know how often something will crop up and if it's documented you can pass it to HR or your manager and let them know how often it's happened.
As my Mum taught me, make sure your ass is covered.
As my Mum taught me, make sure your ass is covered.
I haven't experienced work bullying personally but I have had to work with some not so nice colleagues.
I loved the points that Trudi made and I guess you just have to take a few deep breaths and try, as hard as it is, to not let her get to you or she will have won. Just ignore and carry on.
Maybe ask why she is being a bully i.e. try see her as an indivdual and not a bully. That makes sense in my head and I'm hoping it does to you. You said she's transferred, maybe she has some personal issues that could be making her like this.
Have you maybe tried a different approach and tried to get to know her in another light? Some bullies you can do that with and then they end up not being so nasty and sadly for some they really are just that.
What I'm trying to say is maybe she has a story to tell and she's just waiting for someone to read it.
It's late and I'm probably waffling ha ha ha.
Anyway, I hope that whatever you do, it makes things better for you, nothing worse than being in a job where workplace bullying is taking place and making it hard for you to do your own job.
I loved the points that Trudi made and I guess you just have to take a few deep breaths and try, as hard as it is, to not let her get to you or she will have won. Just ignore and carry on.
Maybe ask why she is being a bully i.e. try see her as an indivdual and not a bully. That makes sense in my head and I'm hoping it does to you. You said she's transferred, maybe she has some personal issues that could be making her like this.
Have you maybe tried a different approach and tried to get to know her in another light? Some bullies you can do that with and then they end up not being so nasty and sadly for some they really are just that.
What I'm trying to say is maybe she has a story to tell and she's just waiting for someone to read it.
It's late and I'm probably waffling ha ha ha.
Anyway, I hope that whatever you do, it makes things better for you, nothing worse than being in a job where workplace bullying is taking place and making it hard for you to do your own job.
Sorry to hear that MareeB. I think the best advice I can give is not to engage with this person as much as possible, but to ignore them. I think bullies like to feel they are getting a bite and if they don’t think they are getting a reaction, they often move on to the next, poor unsuspecting soul. If you can try not to react or show any emotion (hard as that may be sometimes), they often tire of trying to offend/upset and move on. Not always, but most of the time. Also finding out what makes THEM tick can be useful too. Knowledge of THEIR insecurities and imperfections = power. Hopefully you won’t have to use that knowledge against them (ignoring their antics is better to start with), but you know, sometimes needs must and if they do not quit their bullying and your boss is letting it all slide by, then sometimes turning the other cheek just isn’t gonna cut it. So good luck and I hope this person tires of playing silly games, but if not, arm yourself with all the knowledge you can about what makes them tick. Hope this helps, even just a tiny bit. Good luck.
Thanks Skibunny. Bullying is the norm in my workplace, but sometimes it catches me off guard, particularly when it's someone I don't expect. I try to remind myself that mediocrity always attacks excellence and I have to keep striving towards my goals and not be put off by pettiness and jealousy. Sometimes it's tiring and easier to just give up though.
Workplace bullying should never be tolerated. I have been bullied by my boss (years ago)..at the time I was much younger and let it slide but it effected me hugely. Though one day I took a stand and complained to management & threatened to quit. That person unexpectedly changed and I'm still there. Never been bullied after that. I've seen others be bullied too by others that have come and gone..some of those people chose not to say anything & the bullies got away with it. I think its a personal choice. But if you want to go to management take note of when the bullying happens, what was exchanged. When you've got a number of occassions it can be more convincing to management & confronting to the bully when theyre spoken to!!! Never be afraid to complain!!!
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